The Great Battle of the Beverages (300-word story)

There once was a kingdom which desired to have an official beverage with which to celebrate and make merry. Many choices were brought before the Council of the Kingdom, and many drinks were eliminated. Water? Too boring. Wine? Too expensive. At long last, the remaining drinks from which to choose were Milk and Coca-Cola.

For days the Council debated. Milk was plentiful and delicious, but nothing satisfies like the refreshing taste of an ice-cold Coke.

The debate went from the Council to the streets.

-Milk is gross! said one.
-Milk is healthy! said another.
-Coke contains harmful chemicals that can create dependency! said one.
-… So what! said another.

Thus a great rift began to divide the kingdom. Brother argued with brother. Father argued with son. Milk-drinkers were mocked. Coke-drinkers were mourned.

One morning in the square as the debate raged, a potter dropped a vase and it shattered on the cobblestone. A man panicked. -They’re attacking us! he shouted. He picked up his glass milk bottle and threw it into the crowd of Coke-drinkers.

With that spark, all took up their swords and civil war broke out in the kingdom. The milk-drinkers fashioned spears with tips made from broken milk bottles. Coke-drinkers made arrows with tips made from shards of Coke bottles. Milk-drinkers used milk pails as helmets, and rode to battle upon a thousand mighty cows. Coke-drinkers wore breastplates of bottle caps and rode upon a thousand fearsome polar bears.

For three days the battle raged. Thousands were lost. At long last, only two souls remained. Their swords, now stained red, swung feebly at each other. They collapsed from exhaustion and loss of blood. They looked upon the valley, strewn with bodies. One turned to the other.

-You know, I like water, really.
-Me too.
And they died.